My days resemble a tug of war of emotions to be honest. My life has been interrupted as if I have been put in time out and I now have to reevaluated my life plan. I had a plan and I liked it, but now I am being forced to make and accept a new one...gods plan. I guess I was naive to think mine was the one that would happen instead of accepting I only have control over how I accept gods plan for me. I am fighting everyday against my body that is failing me. My head tells me one thing and my body screams another and it gets exhausting not to mention crazy frustrating! I am surrounded by such amazing support and love and that is what keeps me fighting but some days are lonely and I am left only with my thoughts. It's like being stuck in a traffic jam and not having a choice but to wait it out and I don't know about anyone else but to me that is one of the MOST frustrating things!! I just want to turn around go back where I was two years ago and make just one different choice...to call a different Doctor! I can't help but wonder what if?? For now I keep holding on to hope and I will also continue to be grateful for all the wonderful things I do have. I often feel selfish for having the "why me" feelings, but I have to remind myself I am still mourning the life and the abilities I once had and that's OK. More importantly I have to remind myself to keep it together, smile and remember that even though I am hurting I can still find ways to enjoy my life to the fullest, I just have to find and accept new boundaries of what I am able to do. It's peaks and valleys, right now I am in a valley and I WILL hang tight for another peak!
When things go wrong as they sometimes will;
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill;
When the funds are low, and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but have to sigh;
When care is pressing you down a bit-
Rest if you must, but do not quit.
Success is failure turned inside out;
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt;
And you can never tell how close you are
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit-
It's when things go wrong that you must not quit.
"Don't Quit," Author Unknown
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